1. Ye’r a wizard, Charissa.
Our glorious leader, former actor and current psychopathic cult leader Charissa Smith, is now Dame Charissa Smith, First Sattva of High Mechtopia.
Her initiation into the nobility of the Empire of Ropos has given her some new cool psy powers (she can make crowds of people vomit with her mind) and the ability to call in an orbital drone strike every 45 days. It also means she has to waste significant time every day meditating (on the graves of her fallen enemies) to recharge her brain. She demands a big luxurious bedroom now, and a ludicrously expensive throne room, as well as a brand new fancy wardrobe.
I don’t think I’ll make anyone else a noble for a while.
Let me introduce Lumi.
Here’s the game’s backstory for her.
Lumi was born on an urbworld merchant ship to an entrepreneurial mother and an absent father. Born male, she disliked boy stuff, and got into her mother’s things all the time. Eventually, she traveled with her mother to a glitterworld and spent her savings on a body she was happy with.
Lumi was a bounty hunter on a massive glitterworld. She worked sensitive assignments for extremely wealthy clients, and was known for quiet execution and total discretion.
One very hot summer day Lumi walked into our little patch of heaven; butt naked, starving, terribly scarred and severely heatstroked. The game labeled her a “wild woman”. Lumi had gone completely feral, and how she ended up stranded on this backwater planet in such a state is still a mystery. She tried to amble over to some berry bushes for food but passed out in the heat after mere minutes. I quickly sent Dr. Prissy over to arrest rescue her and give her some medical attention.
Her wounds healed and the sunstroke passed but Lumi was still feral and uncommunicative. Even our supremely smooth-talking leader Charissa couldn’t get through to her. In the end we had to send Susz, our animal handler, to gently bring her back to her senses.
Lumi is a complete badass. She has a burning passion for beating people over the head and the Brawler and Tough traits mean she’s extremely good at close combat and all damage she takes is halved. Together with the doctor she forms our melee team and they are a force to be reckoned with. I haven’t had the opportunity yet, but I’m givin her two bionic legs ASAP so she can run down any fool who tries to flee from her.
This is what happened when a group of 20-odd tribal sappers tried to assault our walls.
The advance sapper team managed to breach our throne room. Unfortunately for them, they were greeted by all seven of our colonists, with Lumi and Prissy holding the breach as the rest fired over their shoulders, mowing the invaders down. Then the melee team led the charge against all the remaining tribespeople outside. Doctor Prissy was knocked unconscious almost immediately, but Lumi held her ground, tanking all 15 remaining enemies by herself as they battered her with clubs, spears and axes. In the end she killed nearly half of them herself and came out of it with just cracks and bruises. Then she turned around and hauled the doctor to safety. She didn’t even stay in the hospital to get her bruises tended afterward. She went for a snack.
Lumi is a badass. But she also has the heart of an artist and spends most of her time making beautiful sculptures.
3. The Nobleman’s Bodyguard
One day we were hailed on the comms console by Oscez, a noble from the Empire of Ropos. He had suffered some social indignity and wanted to hide out in our village until he could show himself among high society again. He had also annoyed some pirates, apparently, and we would be attacked repeatedly. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of housing, feeding and defending a snooty nobleman who wouldn’t do any work for us, but he offered us a legendary shield belt and a big pile of plasteel, so how could we refuse?
Oscez brought his bodyguard Ptochopmus along for the stay. He wouldn’t do any work either, but he did have some amazing cataphract power armour and a charge rifle - much better gear than any of our colonists - and he would help us with combat. Sadly, he also came with an implant that would vaporize all his equipment upon death, or you can bet he would have had an “accident” before they left.
The pirate raids were brutal and didn’t leave much time for rest and recovery. They arrived in drop pods, tried to set up mortars, and finally resorted to trying to bum-rush our defensive positions. In the end we had beaten them all back without any deaths or serious injuries to our colonists. I breathed a sigh of relief and sent everyone back to get some food and rest. Then I got an alert. A social fight had broken out.
Ptochopmus had picked a fight with Lumi. I was a little worried, because even though Lumi is a badass, he was wearing the best power armour in the game and he had an armorskin gland, while she was in a flak vest and a duster. Not a fair fight.
I needn’t have worried. Lumi couldn’t do much damage through the power armour but in the end she was smart enough to target his unprotected feet (no armour covers hands or feet - the only way to protect them is armorskin or bionics). She punched one of his big toes so hard it came off, and he fainted from the pain.
Ptochopmus didn’t cause any more trouble. He stayed in his hospital bed until a shuttle came to pick up his master.
4. The dog killers.
It had been a calm day. The night before we’d had a big smokeleaf party for the whole colony, so everyone was happy and tending to their usual chores. Charissa was doing her research, Prissy and Lumi were getting some cooking done, Hornet was out back hunting squirrels, Rambo and Barbar were harvesting crops and Susz was training the huskies.
Then the Gideon’s Dogs pirates came. They came in drop pods, breaching through the roofs and landing right on top of us. Two crashed into the freezer, three landed in bedrooms, and the rest got scattered all over the base. I quickly drafted everyone, split them into two teams and set about clearing out the base, room by room. When I got to the freezer it was too late. Two of my huskies had been in there delivering food when the attack came and while they tried to defend themselves they were quickly overpowered and downed. The pirates had moved on to destroying my coolers and trying to steal my ambrosia when I arrived and took them out.
I immediately had the dogs carried to their sleeping spots and set my handler to tend to them. I inspected their health tabs and it looked grim. Both were alive but had paws destroyed or cut off, one had lost an eye and the other a lung. There wasn’t much to do but put them down.
One of the dog killers survived, downed by a shot to the lungs from Charissa, but not dead. My first thought was to have her beat him to death right there on the freezer room floor. Charissa loves killing people.
But I think the dog killer gets to live. Don’t worry Juarez, doctor Prissy is going to take very good care of you. We’re going to make you a better man.
Several people were seriously injured in the attack, the two people bonded with the dead huskies were very depressed and I had to break open some beers and hand out chocolate to stave off mental breakdowns. It was a bad day for the colony.
That evening, Lumi made art.